Losing Grip
by Becky Sky
Summary: “You forgot.” His voice was hoarse and rusty from little usage, and his eyes flashed angrily. “You always forget.” “What? That you’re hurting, blaming yourself for every little thing that goes wrong in the world?”


Losing Grip

**Disclaimer: Don't own Cott, but I do own a cold. Anyone want to buy it? Didn't think so. Song is "Losing Grip" by Seven Wiser. Please review!**

"_NOOO!" An ear-piercing shriek shattered the thin air of the rocky canyon, slicing through the silence like a knife, as a young man fell to the ground, a scythe burrowed into his flesh. Footsteps resounded over the ground wet from that morning's shower, the sound of terror-stricken allies running to a good friend's aid. _

"_Please, don't die. You need to watch my back!" A short, hazel-eyed huntress knelt by the side of the fallen warrior, running her soft velvet palms across his sweaty forehead. Tears trickled down her cheeks, mingling with the blood and sweat that crowned her skin with a deathly glow._

"_I…I'm sorry," he murmured, struggling to breath. His breaths were raspy and uneven, and all those surrounding him knew in their hearts his time had come. _

"_Sorry for what?" she asked bitterly. "Being the pawn of the gods?" Anger surged through her veins, and her fists clenched and unclenched. "It's all their fault!" she wailed. "If they weren't so damn cowardly and could take care of themselves…" Her rash, livid words trailed off into a choked sob of anguish. _

_She gathered him into her arms, rocking him back and forth, kissing his cheeks and forehead and lips, desperately trying to keep him with her, as though her love could soak through his skin and give him new life. Her steady rocking grew faster as her knowledge of his death grew, the fingers of death caressing his ashen cheeks. _

"_He's mine!" she screamed, and as he took his last breath, she grabbed the scythe and cut herself. As blood poured from her perfect skin, she looked into the eyes of her best friend, whose eyes were wide with shock._

"_Now he's mine forever," she alleged as the young woman next to her grabbed the scythe away and tried to bandage her wound. But a firm hand stopped her, and she meet Atlanta's gaze, steady and unwavering even in her last moments._

"_Please, let me go." Shaking, the girl lowered her healing hand and watched as her two friends withered away into dust, the last of their ashes scattered by the wind that blew through the chasm. In their place grew an iris and a buttercup, intertwined with a red ribbon of love. Green eyes shimmering with tears, she picked the flowers and kissed them both, a last good-bye to two brave souls, now traveling together to the Underworld for eternity._

_On the edge of the chasm, haunted by what his eyes had seen, stood a man, dark eyes shut against the evils of the world, and guilt and ire coursing through his heart._

A black velvet sky scattered with twinkling orbs of light wrapped itself around the earth, and the moon shone brightly. Below, on a hill covered with lush grass and little else, two people sat on a picnic blanket. One, a tall man with dark brooding eyes, tawny bangs that interrupted the rhythm of his features, and a strong square chin that once reflected his strength to lead and his confidence in himself, sat hunched over, arms wrapped around his long muscular legs. Another, a woman, lounged beside him, her slender body stretched out every which way, as if to embrace the night. Eyes that reflected the dappled green of the forest glittered with grief of days gone by. Her hair, fiery like the setting sun, was cut short to frame her heart-shaped face. Years of hardship had given her worry-lines above her brow, but her full rosy lips still tweaked to the side, as if trying to smile through her sorrow.

"It's beautiful out, isn't it?" she asked quietly, hoping to break the awkward silence that had clouded their lives for many years.

"Hmm," he grunted, as he usually did. She twiddled her thumbs nervously, feeling as though she were talking to an empty tin can.

"The stars, the moon, oh look! Orion! Remember when me and Atlan-" She stopped as a wave of pain washed over his eyes. "Jay, I'm sorry, I…"

"You forgot." His voice was hoarse and rusty from little usage, and his eyes flashed angrily. "You always forget."

"What? That you're hurting, blaming yourself for every little thing that goes wrong in the world?" Bitterness enflamed her words; and she struck the ground beside her in frustration. "You're so busy thinking about the past, that you've neglected everyone who cares for you! Including me! You're too busy blaming yourself to see that life had past you by! You're losing any grip on reality you had!"

"So now I have a problem?" His tone was dangerous, daring her to point the finger of guilt deeper into his chest.

If I fall down to the ground  
Will you pick me up again  
I don't know who I am anymore  
Or why I'm holding on  
I feel so useless everyday  
I wake up so ashamed  
I don't know who I am anymore  
I'm nothing without you

"You always did! Don't you get it? You're so selfish! You think you're the only one who's hurting, and you're wallowing in self-pity. You… you… you're such a pig!"

There, she had said it; the words that had burned a hole through her heart ever since he had started to stay out late in bars drinking away his past, as well as his sanity.

His eyes flew out wide in surprise. Over the years they had been together, she had never breathed a harsh word, never broken down. She had always been strong, and he weak. Now she was breaking down, slowly, pieces of her strewn throughout the blades of grass surrounding them. He had done this to her. More guilt flooded through him. There was nobody else to blame: just himself. He turned away from her, not being able to tolerate seeing her in pain. But she grabbed his shoulder and yanked him back, forcing him to stare her in the eyes.

"Stop running away from me!" she whispered pleadingly. "I'm not strong enough alone!"

"Sure you are. You've survived this long. Just leave me alone," he snapped, slapping her hand away. "You're a hero; you deserve more than me. You're right when you called me a pig. But I can't change."

Don't you see that I have problems  
Putting all my trust in me  
I'm falling farther everyday  
So you see the worse in me  
I'm losing grip, I'm losing everything  
I'm feeling so alone  
I'm losing grip, I'm losing grip

She grabbed his hands, feeling the calluses and tough, leathery skin. Kissing his fingers, letting her tears trickle against his hand, she whispered, "You don't want to change. You're comfortable in your little world, but you've shut me out. Shut us all out. Your friends, your family, your future; you've left us out in the dirt."

He struggled to get away, sliding his hands through her fingers, but she held on, eyes begging him to help her. "You must come back to us! You're never going to heal if you don't let us help you!"

"I don't want help! I just want to be left alone! Love hurts too much!" he shouted, and pushed her off the blanket. She tumbled off into the grass, staining her fluttery red dress with green. A savage look came into her eyes, a panther awakened.

"Tell me about it!" she hissed. "For years I've loved you. For years I've watched you wilt under your own hand without a sideways glance at anyone else who felt the same way. You weren't the only one who watched them die! Don't you think I feel guilty for not being able to heal them? I wasn't strong enough to help, and it's eaten me up inside! But I kept going, for your sake, and for the sake of our children. They never knew their father; he was too busy living in a world where people feel sorry for themselves all the time!

You probably don't even remember the day Janice turned eleven, and she blew up part of the house."

Her voice broke, and the flame of anger that had lightened up her eyes dimmed and wavered. Her body wobbled precariously, and she slumped to the ground, tears streaming down her cheeks.

He was so amazed he couldn't speak. Everything she said was true. But that only made things worse. She seemed to realize that and covered her face with her hands in despair.

"What would make you happy?"

"I want to die." Her head snapped up, and her hair flew around wildly.

"Die?"

"Yeah, I'm not the man I should have been." He had failed so many people in his life, and he just wanted it to stop.

"But you can be that man. Just get up and live again, Jay. Don't hide in a shell that thwarts us from being a part of your life."

"I can't do it, Theresa. Don't you see? I'm not strong enough! I never was!"

"But you don't have to be! You're not alone." Her voice was beseeching, and he could hear the mar he had caused her in its depths. It jarred a deeper emotion of self-hate. He had caused her pain, caused so many people to ache. He didn't deserve to live.

Then there was a rustling of cloth, and a soft, smooth hand entwined with his, and there was a whisper of wind as she leaned over to kiss him. As softness tingled against his lips, strawberries and cream engulfed him, and he sensed a feeling of being loved and needed again. It brought him back to the summers of youth, where he had cut down monsters and proven himself a hero. He remembered days of fighting with her by his side, knowing that if he fell she'd be there to help him back up. Those days had been their glory days.

As she broke away, he blinked, as though released from a trance. "How could I have forgotten?"

She smiled, flashing pearls in the moonlight.

The day that I was down  
I remember all your words to me  
We'd look around at everything  
Right in front of you  
And it feels so useless everyday  
I wake up so ashamed  
I don't know what you think anymore  
I'm nothing without you

Don't you see that I have problems  
Putting all my trust in me  
I'm falling farther everyday  
So you see the worse in me  
I'm losing grip, I'm losing everything  
I'm feeling so alone  
I'm losing grip, I'm losing grip

Don't you see that I have problems  
Putting all my trust in me  
I'm falling farther everyday  
So you see the worse in me  
I'm losing grip, I'm losing everything  
I'm feeling so alone  
I'm losing grip, I'm losing grip

"Pain blinded you to everything you were, Jay." She leaned her head against his shoulder, rubbing it soothingly. "You don't have to face everything alone. You never did, and you shouldn't have. I know you blame yourself, but you can't control the wind, rain, or sea, so how could you control the future?" Her words made sense, and they rang in his eardrums, seeping through the pores of his skin into his brain. Registering, he realized how much he had thrown away in his attempt to make him feel less pain. In the disposing of everything he loved, he had only isolated himself, and truly made himself feel even more horrid.

Looking down into the large innocent eyes of his wife, he acknowledged the existence of his best friend, the only one who had had the power to snap him out of the wasted verve he had been trapped inside of. For the first time in a long, long time, he appreciated the persevering glitter in her eyes, the full lips that beamed at him, radiating grace and love, and the fiery locks that echoed her vivacious spirit, the spirit that had saved him from his darkness.

Almost hesitantly, as though they were on a first date, he ran his fingers through her hair, surprising himself with its softness; it reminded him of a swan's down. Then he trailed his fingertips across her cheekbones, reintroducing himself to the face of the woman he had veiled himself from for so long. He tipped her head to face his, and then he looked deep into her eyes, reading the story of pain and sorrow and healing in them. A single tear seeped across her rosy cheek onto his thumb, and he swiped it away, smiling gently. He kissed her nose, then her forehead, and then her lips. Embracing her to him, she buried her face into his shoulder, inhaling the scent of spearmint.

"Thank you for coming back, Jay," she breathed. "You're my hero."

His throat compressed tightly. "Not as much a hero as you are," he answered, holding onto her more tightly. "Thank you for caring enough to save me."

Tears soaked his simple cotton shirt, and it pressed against his skin. "It wasn't easy," she sniffled. "Whenever I felt like giving up, I made myself remember who you used to be. That was enough to propel me forward. YOU were enough."

"Love conquers all isn't a cliché," Jay murmured. "It's the truth." It was the truth that has set him free.

She nodded, cuddling against his shoulder. As the sun began to rise over the horizon, sending a rosy glow over the hill, setting her green eyes on fire, he made no move to leave. They were content to just sit there, wrapped in each other's embrace, peace having found them at last.

Finally, when morning had arrived, and the birds began to trill melodies in the air, the two rose from their blanket and walked away towards the lights of the city over the crest of the hill, fingers interlaced. Where they had lay two plants flourished in stead; an oak sapling, and a rose, intertwined like the knot of love; symbolizing together forever and a day.


End file.
